What's In Your Wallet?

Last night decided to close an account for a credit card we don't use and that has a zero balance. This card had a huge line of credit available and a very low interest rate. That being said, I decided to do a little plastic surgery.

First, I looked over all of the literature that came with the statement. There were all kinds of information on how to pay, ask about, increase, delay, negotiate and look at your account BUT there was NO INFORMATION listed on how to CLOSE your account!

I decided to try the 'Questions About My Account' phone number. After wading through four different voice menus (if you like purple, press 2, if you had chicken for dinner, press 4, etc., etc., etc.), I FINALLY got 'if you want to close your account' person. I explained that I wanted to close my account. He asked me WHY??? I told him that I believe in cutting up plastic. He tried to plant doubt. I persisted. He then said he would have to transfer me to the 'close the account' person. Wait, wasn't that the person I just chose on the phone menu? He put me on hold, an especially obnoxious elevator music selection played and I waited and waited and waited. After 5 minutes the 'I can't close your account' person came back on, apologized for the wait caused by a high volume of calls (funny, they answered IMMEDIATELY when they thought they could SELL me a card) and he offered me the DIRECT phone number for the 'close the account' department and even volunteered their working hours. I'm a mom and I can smell a STALL a mile away! I thanked him but asked to be left on the line and decided to wait. TWENTY MINUTES later someone answered!!!

"I want to close my account!" I said with resolve.

"What can we ADD to your card that would change your mind?" Person #2 asked.

"Nothing, I want to close my account."

"But you have such a HUGE line of credit and such a LOW interest rate."

"I believe in cutting up plastic. Please close my account."

Well, wouldn't you know - Person #2 apparently did not have the authority to close my account.

I was beginning to get a little aggravated (okay, A LOT aggravated). In this time of economic turmoil fueled by creditors lending to people unable to pay them back, wouldn't you think that canceling a card would be a little easier than this. I am fully aware that I have this huge credit line and low interest rate BECAUSE I PAY MY BILLS and I want to keep it that way.

I'm transferred to Person #3.

"How can I help you?", she asked.

"I want to close my account."

"Ms. Nancy B., I'm surprised you would do that. You have such a LOW interest rate! Why would you want to close your account?"

"I believe in living within my means. I don't need this card and I don't plan to use this card. Given the current economic climate, I think this is a great decision."

"Well, given the current economic climate, you may NEVER GET ANOTHER CREDIT CARD WITH THIS MUCH CREDIT AND WITH SUCH A LOW RATE! If I had this card, I would NEVER cancel it."

That's it - I was going to cancel that card TONIGHT!

"It's funny that you say that because I shred a pre-approved credit card with an incredible interest rate AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK! I know your job is to sell credit cards and to talk me out of closing this account but nothing you say will change my mind. In a time of foreclosures, bailouts and stock market chaos, I think I'm being very responsible. You've given me the sales pitch, now please CLOSE MY ACCOUNT!"

She finally agreed and finished by reading me a 'terms of agreement' (I'm sure made mandatory as a result of dicey behavior by some lenders).

Thirty minutes after dialing the phone I hung up, wrote 'CLOSED 10/20/08' on the statement, turned to my teenage daughter and said, "This is why you don't sign up for cards 'so you can get 10% off today's purchases'.

Now that I have done my patriotic duty to the floundering economy, I have decided that next time I cancel a card and I'm asked why I'm doing it I will reply -

"Because I choose to follow the living prophet and his counsel to get out and stay out of debt." I can't wait to hear the reply!